These are the days

Alright, here's something different, something I stole from a friend and I don't know where she got it. If you want you can do it too.
Rules:
[1] List 10 things you want to say to people, but you know you’ll never have the chance too.
[2] Don't say who they are.
[3] Never discuss it again.

1. We may have never met in real life but you've always been my friend. You were there when I needed you and put up with my shit. You were also the first person to introduce me to slash (have you seen my stories?). I love you like a sister and I still wish I could meet you even though you know, internet dangers and stuff. Oh and I wish you had MSN. D:

2. You are amazing and you don't know it. You put up fronts and you like to people to think things about you to protect yourself. I mean I know you on the inside and you're not angry and hateful. You're beautiful and I know there's a guy out there for you (who can take you !) I don't think I've ever had a beef with you, I love you.

3. Ugh you are wonderful. I might not have thought that all the time though. When we first knew each other you had a short fuse and well that all came out on me. But you changed after you realized what you did to me. I hurt so bad for a while because I was afraid to tell you you hurt me. Uh this is hard. I've always tried to help you but you don't want my help. I'm always overly nice to you especially when you get ticked because you hurt me and I don't like when people are mad. I don't know, we're best friends and I wouldn't give that up. You're lazy though. And what drives me crazy is when you blame it on other people (your teacher fandango) when I help you and try to keep you from procrastinating. Of course you don't take my advice which makes you xa million busy and we never get to hang out. Ugh I don't like that but hey, I did what I could. I love you anyways I just wish you'd listen to me.

4. Oh my god. You are fun at times but most of the time you're an utter bitch. I don't know why because I've never been mean to you. You make me so mad though that I want to smash things into your head. And our friends might not like it when we fight but they don't know the real you. aka they don't have to deal with you / fight with you. You're so stubborn that even if you're wrong you won't drop a topic. Even when you KNOW I'm right. Sometimes I want to kick you and knock some sense into you. You can't keep doing this putting one class above every other. It's dangerous.

5. We've had lots of rough spots. You're my family and I love you but when we were little we had problems. You were so controlling and you didn't like me. Everything you said to me was like venom and it hurt. Somehow I have trouble accepting your changes (now that you're decent and nice to me) I have trouble letting you in. Oh and Harry Potter camp. I wanted to talk about this but I'm pretty sure I can't convince anyone of my pain. It was the worst because I was all alone. I was alone but for Trish who couldn't be there all the time. You took my best friend with you (not that it's your fault) but you guys completely ignored me and went off on your own. Ugh I can't drop it because it hurt so bad.

6. My dad thought it was weird that we became such good friends because of our age difference. I love you even though we have grown apart recently. I think we see ourselves in each other and that's why we're close. You saw the hurt in my eyes and you tried to make it better. I feel bad for you having to put up with that, me being stupid. I'm thankful for you though because I don't know. You have no idea how you've changed me. I love you, you're beautiful and I'm sure you'll find someone special in your life I promise. I love you, you're beautiful and I wish we could see each other more often.

7. I've known you since I was six. You've taught me everything that I know in piano and recently you've helped me through hard situations. Even though I didn't listen to you at times I thank you now for how colourful my musical background is and how much I know more than others. Recently I've had rough times (working at Maria's) most people were just like 'aww that sucks' but coming from you it hit home. You were so nice and you knew what I was talking about because you knew Maria. Your hugs mean the world to me. And any rough times I had you offered yourself up for anything so that I could call you at any time. When I nearly failed Royal Conservatory you have no idea how comforting you were. Oh my god I can't believe how comforting you are, it's weird. I love you so much, like a second mom.

8. Ugh you're so confusing. We've been besties (at school) since ninth grade when I complimented your converse and we just clicked. We had classes together so we were together all the time. People told us we were a cute couple when we weren't dating etc. I love you so much but not in that way. I mean sometimes it seems like it because we're such good friends. But recently you're pulling away. You've gotten rid of my nickname that I came up with for you and started completely ignoring me. I don't know why but suddenly you could go a whole hour and twenty minutes without even acknowledging I was there. I ended up dreading school because no matter how hard I tried no one knew I was there. This year, I can't help but feeling like it's going to be awkward because, now what? What's going to happen now that you've pulled away. Can I still hang out with you? And if I can't who will I hang out with? I haven't built up relationships besides yours. Ugh.

9. You need to stop criticizing others and look at yourself. We were best friends until I realized how much you used me. I have no spine and I know that I just have to get used to putting my foot down. You always put down other people and I know it's because you're insecure. I know because you used to talk to me. You're not ugly I promise. I like you but we just can't be best friends I'm sorry. Don't worry as soon as you become a little nicer maybe someone will accept you.

10. You and I might not be best friends, and I don't think we will. But I like you, I've always been able to talk to you and you've always been really nice. You're funny and AMAZINGLY talented when it comes to art and photography. You're awesome and crazy and cute and funny and I love you. For example, on fireworks night when you said something funny. I can't remember exactly what. But you're a good friend.

18 weeks ahoy.


Actually not much has happened in those weeks. And I know no one reads this anyways so whatever, just throwing that depressing thought out there.
Gawd.

Anyways I went and registered for my third year of high school and my schedule is fucked. Well typos and a bunch of stuff needs to be fixed. Apparently school is until 6:05 pm. F that.

It's not been a good two weeks that's for sure. What with one of my geckos disappearing (he could be eaten, starving, or dead) and me being a klutz and banging into everything imaginable and falling down the stairs, dumping all my gecko food down the drain, the BBQ exploding and singing my hair down to about an inch in some places. And finally I went to register, couldn't pay, had to come back and the line was out to the curb. FUCK THAT.

Other than that it was a pretty good summer. Snide comments are snide comments and I like to think that most of them I just shrug off. I see my friends around three times a week for Big Brother and Dungeons and Dragons ('cause i'm that cool)

Oh yeah I forgot, I wrote a Royal Conservatory of Music exam on the 12th that I was not prepared for because we squished two exams in in three months and almost failed. I passed by 2. Obviously, me being an overachiever cried about this. And gave myself stress acne.

Quite seriously I want to go fall off a cliff at the moment. If you're reading this prove it and comment. ♥

Kat.

okay, so it's been two weeks.

boy what a long two weeks it's been. Lets see, for starters opening night was on the 11th but we had a surprise show on the 10th. We've had thirteen shows and it was a lot of fun. What with most of the people I like and the make up artist who is really nice we had a blast. We heard mostly good comments and it was awesome.

Other than that I haven't really had a thought to myself, or a time to think that thought for that matter. Uh I missed the My Chemical Romance concert, obviously. Let's admit, we all knew that that was going to happen and my parents would come up with some excuse as to why I couldn't go. But Danny went. Danny went and it wasn't a bar. So ha. Doesn't make my situation any better. Although he said it was amazing. Pooh.

Uhm other than that I just miss my friends and hopefully I will get some time to myself this weekend what with my grandma moving and my dad getting two new piebald ball pythons of which he intends to breed.

ah. busy times.
plus all the homework I've missed.
two weeks of it. yum.

kk

Hrmm.. Well there's not much to report on other than Midsummer Nights Dream rehearsals...

Because that's basically what my life has been. here's the rundown of my schedule.

wake up
school
rehearsal
bed
wake up
school
rehearsal
bed

etc.


so I haven't had much of a life although the fairy scene (of which I am an Oberon fairy) is looking fan-fucking-tastic and our Director is pissed at everyone else but happy with us (squee~!)


Know what I hate? I really hate clique-y girls. Teenage girls to be exact. No, you know the ones I'm talking about.. the overly outrageous hollister/American Eagle preppy junkies who flaunt as much skin as humanly possible when being "covered up" and are completely two faced. 'Cause yeah, that's what I've been dealing with. I overheard a conversation of : "yeah so we're inviting MOST of the Oberon fairies to my house for a sleepover..." although I wouldn't have gone anyways. And I don't know there was also water involved, my face and other various parts of me. hate.


Oh well wherever I go there will be people like that and I guess I WOULD rather sit by myself which I end up doing. Ah fun stuff eh?

I miss my real friends. IMU if you're reading this.


we should hang out.. Sunday I should hopefully be free, call me.
(you know who you are haha)

kk.

wow. 24 weeks seems like a million years.

ugh I don't even want to read my journal why was I so crazy for that asshole?

Anyways I'm worried, I really have decided I want to be a vet but I don't think I can do it. I mean I'm a good student but I almost never get 90s and I feel like I'm just setting myself up for failure.

Although right now my classes are good and I have all 90s except english. Everything I used to love has just become work, is that what it's like growing up? If it is I don't want to grow up. It seems that life doesn't get better it just gets worse. I mean having to work, got to school, pay bills, move out, buy your own house, have kids, worry about kids, try dating, fail at dating, marriage?! I can't even decide what to eat let alone who to marry.

ugh.


My birthday came and went.. I'm sixteen now but I don't feel like it. We didn't have a sweet sixteen party I mean a couple days later my parents got me rings and took me to dinner which was really nice. But my friends were too busy to hang out. That's another thing with life, it lets you get attached to people then it rips the rug out from under your feet. They find new people, new friends and end up getting too busy or just don't want to put up with you anymore... Really it's not fun.

I have a play coming up, the first one I've ever been in. A Midsummer Night's Dream put on by my school. The only thing is that i'm in it with my sister and no one else I know so I have to hang out with her but she doesn't want anything to do with me and constantly puts me down. Or I'm constantly doing something wrong.
I'm excited for it but at the same time I feel like the odd person out.


THAT should be the title of my life the Odd Person Out. I'm always the third wheel, it's always an inconvenience to others to have me around. It's always 'too busy' or busy with someone else. Why can't I just let go and hang out with someone who has other friends?

Maybe it's past experiences. I must just be easy to ditch, easy to put down? I'm always alone now at school. I used to find it fun but it's sucking me dry and my friends are too busy or have other friends they'd rather hang out with.

Anyways this is ME being ACTIVE again since 24 weeks ago when I last updated.

I don't know I'm just a bit of a pessimist, always the 'glass is half empty'.

kk.

(also I didn't get to see MCR, I was really hoping that 16 was IT, sixteen would change everything, make it better. That I'd have a party with my closest friends and it would be fun. But then again I always get my hopes up don't I?)

okay. so my boyfriend's a fucking loser and school is okay.
I quit my job and have a ton of money saved up from that, taking piano lessons and hopefully vocal soon.
I've been helping out with Les Mis too and it's alot of fun and I love the cast - besides what would they be without me? Kidding.
Uhm. I've been sick for a week and well just feeling really down about what I'm doing, what I'm going to do and how I can't do anything that means alot to me.


My sixteenth birthday is coming up and what I'd like the most - and what I ONLY want for my birthday is to see MCR live. that's all. that or nothing. if anyone could make that happen I would cry. in a good way.


but about Tim. honestly where does he get away with being able to do that to someone? And I never said anything - I felt too much like an idiot to do that, everyone knew he was cheating but they just let me live in my own little bubble and after I knew I felt too stupid to say anything. I couldn't. What would I say "hey asshole, I finally know and I hate you and I'm breaking up with you" he'd probably say 'finally'. What a fucking ass, trying to make me break up with him. I'm just a little pissed. I mean I found out and I never let it affect me and maybe it's just catching up to me - maybe all the memories or I don't know.
What the hell. why did he do this? Why did I let him? Why didn't I listen to myself it's all my fault. god.

hmm
kk.

ah well. here's an update, sorry for my lack of time/motivation/mood to update.
Tim doesn't answer his phone anymore (srsly takin' a page outta Chris' book) and we were supposed to hang out Sunday but no. I sit for fourandahalfhoursklajkhgh waiting/calling him without an answer.
wow.

I even called his house phone the other night and there was no answer. So either...
A) He's Avoiding me and telling his family not to pick up the phone
B) He's sleeping alot / busy
C) He's trying to save money?

I don't know, I talked to him on Friday night when he drove me home and he was 'disappointed' that I had had doubts and says we're fine and all. but on Sunday he TOLD me to call him so... wouldn't you have your cell phone if you knew someone was calling you?
Sorry for my rant and doubts but honestly it's just me I'm a doubtfull/pessimistic person.

(PS I have to work today it sucks and I'm always scared I'm going to make a mistake which therefore means I will... Yeah my schedule is Wed: 2-8, Thurs: 11-3, Fri: 2-8, Sat: 2-7. )


kamakazekitten
kk

Title: Doll [Standalone]
Author: kamakazekitten
Pairing: Bert/Gerard
Rating: PG [F-Bomb]
POV: First, Gerard’s
Disclaimer: Not real, didn’t happen.
Summary: “I could tell he was itching for his liquor, of which his never-ending intoxication could always use a bottle or two. He turned back to me, I could feel him ripping out the stitches that I had so carefully sewn, this doll’s well-worn and needs its mending.”
Dedications: To my betalover oh_scaredyqueen who is very supportive.


( Reduced to groveling )

Ooh. more updatage.

first of all. I got a job *party for the money yo*
and yeah that's about it.

Being bored that's all work sucks sometimes but it's pretty awesome I've made around $200 dollars this week.

Also anyone want to buy this for me?
Or possibly this one?
Maybe this?

Please?

xx
kk

ooh ooh update time.

well it's been a long time.

woo hoo and yet I don't have much to say. Lots of ups and downs, mainly ups but the downs hurt more.
erm. thinking of going on a disney cruise [squee of joy] and also wanting to go to Europe which is in consideration right now ^^

joined a gym, really excited about losing all this shit around my middle ahm.
writing alot more but getting stuck 2x more aswell.
went shopping yesterday and bought a really cute mini dress, hoodie and some shirts and a skirt and I'm going to be showing off my pale legs this summer.

also thinking of a new layout maybe?


'tis all unheard of.

Ah, time for a much needed update.
Well I was going to go to see My Chemical Romance on the 28th after my birthday... But now I'm not because of my parents.
They don't "trust the people there". It's not like I'm going by myself in my underwear.
Still, they're going to be in a big venue because everyone loves them hahaha.
Just a little pissed right now.

Anyways, not much else interesting is happening, my birthday is next week but I'm too busy being angry that I can't go to the concerts I wanted to go to. I don't know why I got my hopes up, I should've guessed this would happen.


kamakazekitten
xx

Title: Wish Away
Author: kamakazekitten
Pairing: Bert/Gerard.
Rating: PG
POV: Bert’s first person
Disclaimer: I own don’t own these boys. Ha I wish
Summary: The deceit in the room is overwhelming, and I can’t speak. I just want to take you in my arms, and hold you until we break down and cry, and I want to wish away your fears, kiss away your tears but I just sigh.
Author's Note: This is my first fic that I've posted up, thanks to an awesome mulletslave betaoh_scaredyqueen! Yeah this story, I absolutely hated it and now I'm not so sure if I like it or hate it.
( Wish Away )

Time for a much needed update. Gosh darn how long has it been?
Its the damn exams. That's what, those sneaky buggers. Sneaking in and stealing me from my computer!
Well anyways whats up in my life. Well other than the usual flipping-out-exam-stress. I'm going to an MCR concert [insert crazy-insano happy dance] and ToC! I want to buy the tickets ASAP because I have the moolah and I want good tickets... or whatever.

And hmm I'm having so much fun with my Germany project for Family Studies, I've brought in a Dirndl and I'm baking something (hopefully) well it's going to be great. Working like a madman -woman? on my piano stuff (srsly the piano exam is like 4 in 1 congrats Merry Christmas Happy New Year yay) because we're doing our playing exams this week THURSDAY ack and I don't even know my stuff well.

Hmm what else can I complain about? Not much everything else is great. Tyla you have to come over so we can go crazysquee and write some slash man.

xxx
KKitten

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. To everyone.
ah my company has just left today and I've finally been able to sit and start my research project [ohshit] that is due on the fifteenth. Ah god I'm in for it. And exams are coming up - don't remind me, as well as all my F.S.E.'s are going to be due in soon.
If you next see me and I don't have any hair you'll know why - because I have the strongest urge to scream and rip my hair out.
Final question, why are people mean to me when they know how much it hurts me? And when they use the 'I couldn't care less' AH I hate that. I loathe it.

Resolutions...
-Bring up my math grade.
-Finish my research project by Monday
-Find out what the hell is wrong with my friend.
-Fix whatever is wrong (it's probably me)

Failed yet another math test - but I think the whole class did too. Maybe Chhang'll let us redo it?
Not much else to say, frantic with Christmasnessossity shopping.

( srslyplz )

All through math Kevin enjoyed himself by writing "wtf" all over the board. Haha. And oh lord we put up our Christmas tree and suddenly everyone's gone CHRISTMASCRAZY well. I have. Mom bought new Christmas music and everything.

Well yesterday there was a cat sitting outside of my back door.
It wouldn't leave and everytime it noticed us it would mew. It started raining outside, then snowing but the cat stayed there.
We think it's a girl but we're unsure - if it is she might be pregnant. And so I made a flyer that we're going to put up around our block.
She's very cute, she's a grey shorthair with small stripes, very affectionate.
Well I'm getting singing lessons. YAY God knows I need them - desperately.
I painted a watercolour painting. It's cool - it's a garden gate and there's a girl walking towards it with trees around. But I made a mistake and accidentally ripped it. Then I liked it and kept ripping it. So it ended up the girl's body has been ripped away and it looks like she was SO CLOSE to getting to her happy ending (the gate) but everything started ripping apart.
It's pretty sweet. I gave it to Adam because he suggested me painting it. If you want to see it I'll steal it :P

xoxo
KKitten
Kat.

HELP!
Okay well I joined mychemicalslash and I have no clue what to do.
First of all what does "beta'd" mean? Hmm I have no clue how to use cuts and yeah I'm so horrible...

Anyways yeah today was the 'Song Lyrics' competition - it was SO awesome.
The people who came in first place should've come in first.
They were so awesome they had a guitar, bass, an accordion and drums. The way the girl sang... It was so cool - it reminded me of The Cure.
Yeppers.

Hmm you know what's hard? Trying to convince someone not to hurt themselves when I can barely keep myself from doing it.
Ah jeez.

xoxo
Kat

Fog is awesome. And so is taking pictures which is why I'm hoping to get a digital camera for Christmas - yay.
While walking to school on... Wednesday I think it was so foggy that the person infront of us looked like they were disappearing! I love fog.
Here are two pictures I took.


'Ignorant Skeletons Showing Off'


'Hello Oblivion And Welcome to Desolation'

"Smile like you mean it or don't at all"

Hmm. Don't at all? Unless I can pull off a fake smile? No.

I've been listening to music all night. I think my teacher is right - my MP3 player IS actually attatched to my hands, or ears for that matter.

But anyways I've got a new story idea - don't blame me if it's sad because my writing always reflects my moods. I can't help it grr.

I've been so down lately, like on the verge of tears. But I don't want to cry (whoops too late) or atleast not infront of anyone. Who am I kidding, break down in English and have them turn around and go
'oh look at the poor emo, why don't you go slit your wrists?'

Whatever
Katlin
Drained - yeah drained of all tears because they now reside in tissues.

I wrote a story I wrote a story.

I'm so bored. Let me think what's been going on in the world of kkitten?
I know! I got 43/44 on my math test? -damn the decimals I hate them all-
Working on a duet with Rebecca on the piano, finished two tests today, english and family studies and that pretty much covers all my subjects lol.

BORED BORED BORED.
xxx